The Particulars of Profile Pictures

Almost everyone who’s reading this right now has at least one profile up on some sort of social networking site, like Dlist, or Myspace, or Facebook, or Dudes Nude, or Man Hunt. For a lot of us, it’s for the purpose of hooking up, and in the grander scheme, maybe meeting someone special for the long haul.

Profile pictures are a huge part of the equation. It’s usually the first thing someone sees before they ever read anything you’ve written, and if they’re hot enough, they can usually excuse at least 80% of your typos or your grotesque political stances, or even your stupid profile music.

But if they’re too pretty, no one will believe they’re real, and you’ll be flooded with a deluge of inflammatory email and comments. Too hideous and you’ve done more harm than good. I’ve compiled a list of tips to send you down the right path to profile perfection. (ugh…)

• You’re looking for a shot that honestly represents you at your best, but without any of the trappings of professional photography.
• Don’t be dramatic. It’s off-putting and bizarre, given your intentions.
• Don’t obscure your face. People will assume there’s something horribly wrong with you, even to a greater degree than might actually be the case. Nothing wrong with you will be as bad as what people will assume is wrong with you if you’re wearing a ski mask or have edited out your mug.
• Pay attention to what’s behind you. No photos of grandma, little angel statues, mauve shower curtains, or craftsy bed ruffles if you can help it.

Here are some links to some of the hottest profiles on Dlist at the moment. Take notes if you feel you fall short of the mark:

• http://www.dlist.com/hephaestion (He’s a waiter, and he’s at your service.)
• http://www.dlist.com/starrfucker (Hottest man alive, basically.)
• http://www.dlist.com/BKBennyBSU (Pretty boy. Vanilla flavored.)
• http://www.dlist.com/trash4ever (Embraces trashiness with explosive sexuality! Worn out, in a good way.)